Help a teenager

1.Understanding the teen

Teens aren’t likely to come home saying: “Hey dad, guess what? I’m suffering from depression!” On the other hand, if you know the teen well enough, it’s easy to see changes in his or her behaviour. You have to be attentive, because often young people who decide to commit suicide may feel relieved, and their loved ones may believe that things are improving. So, you should be concerned if the young person recovers too quickly, because he or she may have made the decision to commit suicide. In fact, slow recovery is a good sign, even though it can be hard for those around the teen who don’t want to see the teen suffer for long.

2. Breaking the teen’s isolation

The first step is to allow the teen to open up. You can start by saying something like: “I’m worried about you. What’s going on?” If that doesn’t work, you can:

• talk about it with another adult who can support you;

• ask the teen’s best friend if he or she has noticed a change in behaviour. If not, have the friend promise to tell you as soon as there is a cause for concern;

• ask the teen’s teachers if they have seen any changes in behaviour;

• if you suspect that the teen has suicidal intentions, have him or her promise to talk to you or someone else if he or she is not feeling well and get that other person’s name.

Often, parents are the last to find out, not because the teen doesn’t love them, but because he or she doesn’t want to worry them. The teen thinks he or she is protecting them. This is why it is important to ask questions when you see a change in behaviour. The young person may be very closed down and reject any approach. While it’s very difficult for parents to go through, they have to find the way to say that they care about the teen.

3. Refer the teenager 

You need to bring the teen to see a professional: a physician, psychologist, social worker or school or CLSC professional. The priority is to have a diagnosis. The parent is the only person with the authority to bring a teen in for a consultation.

There are also hot lines where people are available to offer guidance and explain what to do to help the young person. These resource people can also answer questions and calm fears. If there is a suicide emergency, bring the teen to the hospital or call 911.

4. Don’t play therapist

In spite of how worrisome a depressed teen may be, you need to avoid taking his or her depression on your shoulders. For example, if a child is drowning, parents may be tempted to jump in the water to save the child, even if they don’t know how to swim. They are putting their own life in danger. It is better to get a lifeguard with the necessary life-saving skills.

So, the first responsibility is to create a safety net and position life buoys around the teen. You have to prepare people around the teen (friends, physician, psychologist, teachers, etc.). Then you have to support the teen and encourage him or her to get better.

There are a number of ways to help and to make sure that the teen doesn’t slide further into depression. It is important not to leave teens who show signs of depression alone in the grips of their suffering. Detecting the illness and rapidly entrusting treatment to the right people is the most important thing to do.